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Friday, December 2, 2016

I'm Lost...I Think I'm Disappearing Somewhere....

Honestly, despite all the gyaan I keep dispensing and all the poetry I use to spill my emotions into, I am really really, really lost....

For some time now I really haven't been doing anything, except working and breathing to survive. I don't really eat that much anymore, maybe that's what happens when you hit middle age (what age is that supposed to be? Does 35 count as middle age?! goodness...the horrors then!!).... I've slowly and suddenly gravitated off food.....of course I'm happy about losing weight, and getting walks are proof that I'm not unhealthy.

I also kind of switched off drinks....and I never did have any colas, so I really am off...

Of late, there has been this gradual feeling of disappearing, of vanishing away somewhere.... poof.... now I'm here, now I'm one remembers me, no one misses me because I never was....

No, I'm not depressed, I definitely am not :) So all you lovelies who have earlier told me and messaged me to ask if I was depressed or in trouble, let me assure your wonderful hearts that I am fine, I will be fine....

I don't understand this feeling myself.....have you ever felt this way? I'm looking for some answers maybe, or some new opening into this jigsaw puzzle called life....

I'm really really lost....And honestly, I don't have the slightest clue of where to start looking....

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Monday, November 21, 2016

That Underwear Ad I Don't Want To Watch: The Chaddi Thrust I Don't Want (All Puns Intended)

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*the above image is strictly for representation purpose

Okay, so most of you know I don't really watch any television at all, neither on the idiot box nor on any screen (phone, online, whatever). Yes the only TV I did watch was Roadies, but ever since the horrible and so amazing Raghu left, sadly, so did Debo, moi, leave as an audience. And there .... that was the end of my idiotness in front of the box.

And you can see I'm already rambling.

Point is, of late I did catch quite a few movies in the theater, and one thing that really irked me was this particular ad by an underwear brand that seems to be playing over and over again!!!! If you're a female, there are chances you're smirking at me, thinking something is really wrong with me. Trust me girl, there's nothing absolutely wrong with me, and my sizzle factor is always on full mode. Sorted? Okay, let me move on.

If you're a guy, you're probably agreeing to the fact that an underwear ad featuring men is so yuckies! You'd any day go for the ones with those voluptous ladies, and the condom ads with a certain sunnily placed female, right? Well, I actually think they are quite, ahem, right on point there ;) Don't get ideas please anyone. With due respect to everyone and all preferences, I still have my preferences straight, at least for this lifetime.

I don't honestly remember the name of the brand. However, the story features 4 menfriends who are thinking about that amazing childhood when they would dive into this water body and have fun, even as a helicopter hovered above and left, with the kids waving out and splashing about in the water. Cute. Till then.

Now, they have of course grown up to be 'men,' and hence their assets need to be shown off, beautifully preserved in this particular underwear. All 4 decide to meet up and yes, because as children they waved out to the helicopter, they are now the ones inside the helicopter, taking a joyride over the exact spot where they were frolicking in the water. Hmm, just wondering, what about those childhood trips to the zoo? Ever thought about going back and imitating a monkey outside the cage, I mean, you did do that as a kid too, no?

So the men are sooooo happy being there, and of course they have to dive and splash about in the water and whatnot. Very good. Do it. Done.

And then they emerge. And how. And let me take a moment to, no, not ogle, or faint with amazing sights, but to remove my eyes from the screen and realize how disgusting that emerging moment was!

Ohhh the shudders....

As a female who likes the other gender a lot, and has no minds to change her preferences in this lifetime, I absolutely found that chaddi thrust unnecessary and unappealing. I'm sorry to the models, but honestly, it felt as if the men were begging and saying "Look at me, I have big ones down there, pleeeez, one look, pleeeeeeez... If nothing else, pleeeez use that as a plus point to look at me."

You may have all the grey cells up there dude, but what that ad did to me was the absolute opposite of attraction. I understand if a female was to do that, like bobble up her goodies up and down in a lingerie ad (fancy na how this word immediately makes it sound better than an underwear), most men's eyes would shoot up to the moon and back (listen, I know you thought of something else shooting up too, didn't you, naughtiness quotient that you are!) ;)

But for me, this bobbing up of the bubbles down there just did not work. As a female audience who claims to have at least a teeny tiny amount of grey up there (don't even ask me of the latest hair colour I used after freaking out on the blo*$$#y new grey hair that appeared), I would really love to see an interesting piece (no, not of your asset) of ad that manages to keep it real and ogle-worthy, and not make me want to turn the other way and have a brain puke moment.

Do it boys to men, go make it happen! And the day I see that (the ad you perv!), I'll come back and talk about it too ;)

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Thursday, October 6, 2016

And Once Upon A Time The Genie Came.....

Once upon a time, there came a genie in a bottle, that debo decided to open.

But oops, debo had already quit alcohol, so even though she opened the lid and took a sniff sniff sniff, and treasured that one moment of whiff, she closed the lid back and sent it away.

Oh no debo, what did you do….dearie dearie me….

Gone was the bottle and gone was the once upon a time

Instead, debo waited alone,

Lost in a world of bubble wraps, from all those moments of dreamy escapades and runaways and whatnots, when retail therapy and diving inside paperbacks and listening to those clouds of music were all she did….and did a lot

Where the picture frames turned sepia with the pictures that were missing somewhere else

Where the poetry she started faded out into lines that got blurry, but were interesting, strong, feminine, beautiful and true, nonetheless

But horror of horrors

The genie she had sent away, and yet her dreams didn’t end

Or dreaming rather

And yet again, once upon a time,

There was a bug that debo found….not somewhere out there, but oh goodness oh….right inside her head

And there it was, the one that was the reason why she was the way she was, and why it was the best way for her, and most of those ways that your heart tells you are the best, are also the worst if you listen to your mind instead….but then again, this was debo….and she wouldn’t really listen to her mind…would she?

You know her, don’t you?

That mad madness of a girl, no woman, actually, the one who can never change, no matter what…

Who can never really stop the madness, that’s seeped into her pores, into her heart, into her dreams…and into her…that’s turned her what she is…and will be.

And if you don’t know her that well enough, beware….get away….for either she will love being with you and not let you go, or she’ll push you away or run away herself….your choice….

But by the way, whatever she does, she was, she is, she will remain….that once upon a time, that story that starts and maybe never finds an ending….the dream that begins, and keeps coming back, without shutting off the stories…

And if you really did reach all the way till here, then I send you a hug, coz I sure didn’t realize what I was writing….and my word bubble is still not full 

- Debolina Raja 

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

I Won't Be 'I Was', I'll Still Remain 'I AM'

And then that day I will fly

The more you break my wings

The more I will never cry

Touch the sky

Touch my dreams and come by

By your side yet again

To show you that you lost…oh, but yet again

And then you will try

To bind those feet and hands

But yet again as lines on fine sand

It’ll show up subtle

That message that came in a bottle

That said….

I am, oh yes, I exist, and I am

And no matter how hard you try

I won’t be ‘I was’, I’ll remain ‘I am’

Breaking me apart

Piece by lovely peace

Is a fun game of life we’ll play

You may try to win

But you’ll never be able to break me…

Yes, my dear, you shall see

Go…..stay happy

- Debolina Raja  

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

To The Love That Went For A Walk Somewhere

Someone asked me that day


When we fall in love

We fall with a passion that is unmatched

A love that can see no other

A heart that wants no other

A mind that can think of nothing else

A hug that needs no other embrace but that one

The one…


When we fall in love,

Do we give it our all

Do we give it our own self

Our heart our mind our body our soul

And more…

And yet,

There comes a day

When that love that was all

All consuming

All compassionate

All that was there to live for

Makes you want to stop

Stop living

Stop loving

Stop believing?


Does it make you want to hide

To run away to a place where no one else will find

That heart of yours that once loved

But now

Just wants to wash its hands off love

For ever

And a lifetime

So many dreams with open eyes

And when they are closed

Its dark

A welcoming darkness…..

Before a smile will come some day

Some day……

- Debolina Raja  

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Tales From The Lift: May I See Your Tattoo?

So this is the new tattoo I got and yes, it's a cover up tattoo, to remove all my scars and those memories I choose not to associate with any more, but to give me my new ones instead. 

And that is exactly why I did it. And yes, I know my earlier ones have been pretty dainty, and each one has a special meaning and story and each is special to me in its own way. And I know there will be more. 

But as yet again, it never ceases to amuse me the many reactions that I get from people, known and definitely random ones too, on seeing me sporting a, or, multiple tattoos. I love getting amused and I sure will love to keep on getting amused ya ;) 

So the other day I was waiting to pick up my kiddo from the school bus and was reading a book - Neil Gaiman by the way in case anyone is curious - and this lady was walking past. She did take a look at me reading (and I know this coz I was also looking around to check if the bus had arrived, in case you also thought I was just showing off my intellectual side by holding a book just like that ;) And then, just as she was about to walk past, she saw my big arm tattoo and then slowed down and gave me a look - a once over rather - looking at me from head to toe and then looking back at my tattoo (I'm assuming here that I do look good and she was dying of jealousy lol, that's why it's called wishful thinking haha)...... So yes, no surprises why she gave me 'THAT' look. And she finally walked away.

Coming back to why this story is part of my #TalesFromTheLift series, the same day I met my 'Lift Man' let me call him now - you all who've been reading about my Lift series know him pretty well by now - he's that regular lift creepo and frustrated d%ck of flesh that I keep talking about.

So yes....

I was waiting for the lift (what else) and Mister Frustrated Paunchy Soul makes an appearance. And sees the tattoo kind of, and says - "Wow, you got such a big tattoo? Did it hurt?" 

Those of who you know me like really well, like the non-sweet Debo who is just Debo, please read this with that expression you know for a fact I gave him back (and if you can't picture, there's a huge pic of me below, I am trying to show off my thin face here actually) 

So yes, I looked at him and said - "No, I don't cry with pain. Didn't hurt."

Lift Man: Can  I see it?
Me: No, it's personal.
Lift Man: But it's on the arm, how can it be personal?
Me: It's my arm

haha.....go get lost...

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Chances For A Lifetime....And Beyond

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I'll be there whenever you dream me, I'll be there whenever you call
You can try but I'll never let you fall, for with you in my life, I'll have it all...

Craziness comes full circle to complete what you start
I don't know the 'how', I don't know the 'why'
But all I know is that it does speak to my heart...

Sometimes, giving it another chance seems just not right
It just doesn't work, and there's no more future in sight.

But sometimes, no amount of chances you take is enough
One chance, second chance, or chances for a lifetime
Some options are just too important to not take a chance at
Even if it's again and again and's the loop you want to stick at

Coz you cannot give up on it, it's something that's only your gain
When there's so much you're getting back, you'll want to do it over and over again

Shout it out, scream, hit out, lash out, get rude, get nasty, but do it
Coz the anger won't last, but the love will,
You will, I will, we will....

When you see the worst you know what you are in,
There's no more hiding, there's no more faking...

That is when it truly gets real, and that is when you know for sure,
That this is what deserves the chances for a lifetime, and maybe more, and yes, lots and lots more....

Yes, it truly does.....

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Are You There In My 'Once Upon A Time?'

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Once upon a time there was a pen and a paper, and maybe the starting of a fairy tale about to happen. The poor little 'maybe' wasn't as poor or inconsequential though. Unknown to many, the 'maybe' had the power to twist up stories - turn a fairy tale into a horror, a romance into a tragedy, a comedy into something dark and twisted - it had a power that not many really realized.

Then after that once upon a time, there came a time when I found the pen, and the paper, and decided to take a chance with the 'maybe' - you know I love it when things are awake and alive around me, not quiet and stagnant, the mark of boredom that I would rather shake up myself if nothing else.

As the 'me' started writing the story, I thought it would be fun to try out variations. Of me, my moods, my people, my friends, those I know and those I don't, those I may want to know and those I clearly do not. So many.......

And so I put my pen on paper and started writing. Started writing stories the way fairy tales are written, for aren't they the first stories we are told? The prince always comes riding on a horse, while I am supposed to be good and wait and wait and wait (and??). The prince apparently is the most amazing man (or guy) ever, and I am supposed to match up to him, or at least try. But wait, how do you know whose the prince, and how do I even know if I am actually the princess? What if I am the evil witch, the bad bad girl or woman who others are warned to stay away from. What if that is what I enjoy more than being the goody so-many shoes. It is still a choice I can make, isn't it?

Now, isn't that confusing? Ya, what am I going on about? And you're still reading it by the way ;)

I don't know really.... all I know is that right now, I am lost, absolutely lost. I lost my way some day like that, and ever since have been spiraling around, from cloud to cloud, from dream to dream, from night to another night and in between living through the days. I am happy, I am confused, I am angry, I am absolutely blank, and oh I am so so clueless.

Some of my masks say I am an efficient soul, that I manage a lot at once, that I am good, that I am horrible, that I am loving, that I am cruel, that I am forgiving, that I am vicious. Yes I am. I am all of that and 'maybe' more. I am the way I am.

And it's far too late now to change, not that I want to, or will.

So, where was I?

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" -

MJ Debolina Raja

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Are We Turning Our Babies Into Monsters? We Failed You Swapnil Sonawane and Abesh Dasgupta
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Over the past few days, it's really saddened me to read the paper here in India. I have consciously stopped watching news channels for a long time now, the reason, I'm sure, most of us already know, but let me just say, with news hour turning into a free-for-all barbarian show, I just didn't want to go through the same every single day.

Two extremely violent recent incidents, both involving teens, is what prompted me to write this today. I am sure many of you may find it useless, or disturbing, and if so, please click the exit button and move on...I have no problem with that...If you choose to read on, thank you.

The first incident that shook me up was the senseless killing of a 16 year old boy from a simple and well-educated middle class family in Navi Mumbai. The teen had formed a friendship with a teen girl from his class, and the friendship had developed into a relationship. As is prone in teen years, both really liked each others' company and that was pretty much what was happening - they were just special to each other. The problem that apparently led to his killing was the fact that the girl belonged to a higher caste. And this is the year 2016 we are talking about, and in a city in Navi Mumbai, which is considered Mumbai's satellite city and houses some of the best minds here. I can imagine how 50 years from now, when people talk about such incidents in the year 2016, it will make them firm of the view that people living in the year 2016 were indeed backward and barbarian - I do not disagree right now.....

So what happened here was that the girl's family threatened the boy and his family and the parents asked the boy to stop meeting the girl. He was beaten up as well. When the boy's parents went to the police to lodge a complaint, the police officials present in the police station told him to mend his ways, and asked the parents to keep a watch on their son. They went a step further to tell him that now that he dared to continue meeting the girl, he should expect something similar to the phenomenally applauded Marathi movie Sairat, which is about a lower caste boy falling in love with a higher class girl, and how both are killed by the higher caste family as part of an honour killing. The teen boy's parents requested the police for help but were sent back home. The girl's family came to their place, dragged them to the road and started hitting the boy severely. The parents tried to intervene but were assaulted as well. In fact, the attackers started shouting 'chor chor' and passersby actually thought the scared family were thieves, even as the teen lay bleeding profusely. By the time the parents finally managed to take him to a hospital, he was lost to them forever.....

Here's one news piece and here's another news piece.

Sad.....what else do I have left to say here? I can't even say I can imagine the pain they are in... no, I can't, nor can you....

The second incident co-incidentally happened the same week in Calcutta. A young teen boy, Abesh, was part of a group of teens that was enjoying a relaxed party in a parking lot of a posh Calcutta residence. He was 'suddenly' found lying in the parking lot in a pool of blood, even as almost all the other teens suddenly vanished, and only two remained who helped a resident of the building take the boy to the hospital. By then again, it was too late, and the boy was lost to his mother forever (his father, who was part of the police force himself and had also assisted eminent filmmaker Satyajit Ray's son on movie assignments had just passed away this February). Before leaving home, the teen had told his grandma he would be home latest by evening....his mother never heard from him after that day.....

Of course you would guess that since there were about 10-15 teens at the party, someone, at least one teen, would have seen something, or, as we all do these days, recorded something on a smart phone...maybe, maybe not....Or, given the fact that the teen, Abesh, was stabbed multiple times with a sharp glass object (broken beer bottle), and had also walked around in the parking lot after being stabbed (as was evident from the blood trail that was left behind), some resident would have heard some commotion, breaking of glass, hitting, voices fighting, voices trying to break up the fight, someone crying out in pain (can you imagine a teen who is being stabbed multiple times will not cry out in pain?) or someone asking for help.....I am sure some of the girls and maybe some boy(s) in the group may have shouted out in fear at what happened......And even though quite a lot of the apartments apparently have their windows right above the parking area where this happened, it is possible that at least someone heard something....

But no evidence was found.....not surprising....why?

The murdered teen had recently become friends with a girl who was earlier in a relationship with a boy who comes from a very affluent and influential family in Kolkata. Both the teen boys knew each other and were often part of same parties and groups. In fact, some common friends had mentioned earlier how the two boys always were uncomfortable with each other. The influential boy's father had in fact asked the girl's parents to keep her away from the murdered teen, and asked the murdered teen's mother to keep her son away from the girl.....interesting?

Then again, even as the news channels first reported that it was a clear case of murder, the news was abruptly changed and the story was turned to accidental death...Apparently, the teen who died was holding beer bottles under his arm, and he was already drunk, so he tripped and fell, and the bottle broke, and cut all his important arteries and veins, and he lay bleeding there, even as his friends possibly wondered what to do...this is the version that the news channels and police later came up with....

why? What happened that everyone had to suddenly change their version? what happened that the teen from the affluent family and his father both suddenly disappeared? how was it that no friends came out and gave exact details about what really happened? in fact, when Abesh's grandma asked the friends what really happened, not one friend could give her a satisfactory reply...while some said they were on a call, some said they were with other friends hanging around on another side...out of the entire group, everyone claims to be unaware of how Abesh got injured, what happened, and how he bled so much, given the fact that his blood is found in pools and trails at different spots in the parking lot.......

Another chilling reality - while Abesh lay bleeding, and probably on his way to death, some friends decided to leave the spot claiming they had to go and meet some family member urgently. Immediately after, most of the others also quickly left, leaving Abesh lying there in his pool of blood, doing nothing to help.....

I have said before that kids can be cruel......what do you say now?

I have seen the CCTV footage from the parking lot where a teen is seen falling down, but from a simple height which is a little walled structure on the ground floor - and hello, he trips and falls on his back, while most of the injuries are on the front.......

By the way....another angle that the police added was that the teen was already drunk....I'm really sorry, but how is that even a point of discussion here? How is drinking alcohol and murdering someone, or getting murdered, or running away from a friend who is lying dying in his blood related? How does it even come in the picture? Isn't it important to speak to each and every teen present at the scene, talk to all the building helpers such as liftmen, security guards or drivers to find out what happened?

I can understand that the parents of the children who were involved in this entire thing may have asked their kids to stay away, fearing it would traumatise them and affect them negatively. But what about the mother who lost her only son? Can you imagine her pain? I can't. I understand that we, as parents, always try to shield our babies from everything that is not good and want to keep them protected forever. We tell our little ones - CLOSE YOUR EYES AND THE MONSTER WILL GO AWAY...
But for how long? Till what age do we baby our babies? Till when do we shield them from responsibilities that come of growing up? It has to happen at some age, right? What age is that? What do we teach our teens? Hide and stay mum when a mum loses her baby, but you stay mum and stay safe.....that's what we should do, right? wrong...

Wrong wrong wrong....... something is wrong with us, parents...something is really wrong with us.... and it's we, the parents, who are in the wrong, and not the kids...coz it's we, the parents, who are turning our babies into monsters.....yes we are.....unfortunate but true...

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ 

Thursday, July 14, 2016

I'm Getting Started, Want To Join?

 image - author's own

Just got my new pair of wings
Putting them on, I’m ready to soar and fly – to where my heart desires
You’re welcome to join me of course

But wait….
There are some rules I’d rather you try out

First, give up that frown and that look
The one that judges before it knows
To be with me you’d rather know me, than judge me
Know me to know that I can love like no one
And worry and care for you like no one
And be there for you when you need someone

If only….
You will know me…….

Now stop all your big words and promises
I’m beyond the land of the mind that plans
I live by my heart, and I will hold yours safely in mine, don’t worry
But only once you learn to trust and show me the real you
Else there’s plenty of people out there for you I’m sure


The last and only thing I need
Just be you
The way you’d be without the thought of what others might think
What the society thinks
What people think?
Do we care?
I don’t.
Do you still?

It will be a nice one, I promise, this trip to the land of the heart
If only you’re willing to join

Coz I’m already getting started….on my own

- Debolina Raja 

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Girl About Town: I'm More Than My Tattoos And The Length Of My Skirt BTW


Yes that's me, if you didn't guess already.

So what do you see when you look at this picture of me? It's me as I am right now, taken just a day back, the way I am now....with myself, spending time with me.

Yesterday I was waiting at the bus stand to pick up my younger one, and there was this woman who was walking past. She took a look at me, I was wearing a plain black t-shirt, in fact the same I am wearing in the picture here, and a skirt, that was as long as my knee. I think that's a pretty decent and acceptable length, no? So, she took a look at me, and saw the tattoo on my leg, and happened to see it on my hand too, and for some weird reason, could also see the one on my nape.

And the moment she saw my tattoos, she kind of gave a smirk and looked at me again, actually, even though she had passed on, she turned back and glanced at me. I could see the disapproval in her eyes, checking me out to understand what kind of a mother was I, the one with the tattoos and the skirt, and what kind of values I would be imparting.

It was all there in her look.

And let's be hones here, it's not the first time I got it. I've seen it many times, most of the time unspoken, when people judge me by the tattoos I have and the clothes I choose to wear, whether I want to wear makeup or not, whether I tame my hair or not, whether I return home by a certain time on that tick-tock or not, and whether I drink or not....the list is too long actually so let me not bore you to death.

But that lady, even as she smirked and looked back at me, didn't have a clue about me. She didn't see the early morning alarm that I dismiss each morning and jump out of the bed, literally. She didn't see that I sleep for only maybe four hours a night and then wake up and work the whole day, trying to spend as much time with my babies, while working and doing things for the house. She never saw the way my sleep-drenched eyes were finding it difficult to concentrate, and how I passed the day gulping mugs of tea, in an effort to fight off the sleep and the exhaustion.

She never saw the hot meal I had prepared for my kids and set ready for them to come home and have, or the things I had packed in their school lunch to make sure they ate healthy through the day. Or those quick last-minute projects I helped finish or pack up, or the many ways I wiped those baby tears while encouraging my younger one to go to school and promising her that mamma would be right there, waiting to pick her up back in her arms. The many times I had woken up at night to make sure my babies were comfortable and properly wrapped in their comforters, even as they kicked and pushed me to the edge of the bed in their sleep, and do each night.

Or the many smiles I put up through the day for them, even if my heart and mind and senses may be at some far-off place. Or the endless moments when I may have felt lonely and sad and depressed, but always jumped around my babies and chosen to act as fools with them, just as babies and kids love you to be......the many times I chose to be there for them, the way I taught them to respect others, teaching them values and the importance to dream and live and let the world be a fair and happy place, to care for others and help as much as possible, to aim for the best and do what makes them happy, to reach their dreams with their hard work, and so many other things that every nice and fair human being should be.

Oh and yes, that lady, and all those who judge me by my tattoos or the length of my dress and whatnot, could not possibly know how I teach my kids to never judge, to never kill someone's character with a glance, to instead know a person, understand that person, and agree to disagree.

I am not defined by the tattoos I have, and trust me, I am gonna get many many more, it's my body and I can decorate it the way I want, thank you, and I will wear what I please, you may look the other side if I offend you, and I will go out with the friends I want to, or even strangers if I want, and dance and have a good time and head out for parties and come back when I feel I want to, thank you very much.

Just as I give you my permission to continue judging me and be jealous and miss out on the chance to live your own life instead, I promise to myself that I will continue doing all those things that make me happy, that truly define me for who I am and still be the best mommy my babies could have, one of the bestest friends my friends could have when they need unconditional love, support, brutally honest advice, a possessive protective friend and a shoulder to lean on, and one of the most non-judgmental, understanding and trusting and caring person, if you too will care to understand me.

It's your choice ;) 

- Debolina Raja 
And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Tales From The Lift: An Unexpected Breath Of Freshness source

What ???!!!! Did I just say an unexpected breath of freshness, that too in my #TalesFromTheLift series? that's what I call a first ;)

So it was a mad rush of a day, what with trying to get the elder one packed off for her summer workshop, toting the younger one around, carrying a heavy shitload of a bag filled with food and water and all the baby paraphernalia, and wearing my running shoes to well, do just run run out of the lift and manage to reach the venue on time.

The lift stops at my floor, we step in, waiting to reach downstairs fast.

And then......there it stops....not downstairs yet, but at some other floor..

And even as I wait with impatience at whoever it is outside the door to just get in, the first thing I notice is the fragrance.....ummmmm....lets say it was nice, and woody, and musky.....not bad, right? ;)

And of course I didn't immediately look up to see who may be wearing this loveliness, so I did the sly not-looking-but-of-course-I'll-look look and looked up.... and may I just say it was quite a pleasant sight..... you get alllll the 'drifts' right? ;)

And then of course the lift has to reach downstairs at lightning McQueen speed levels, and even as my kiddies try to rush out of the lift, the gentleman, just like a chivalrous young man, waits, steps aside, and holds the lift open for me !!!!

We say 'thank you' and 'you're absolutely welcome' - yes, he added 'absolutely' to that too ....... and we part ways....... and that's about it.....

So that's the latest dope going on in my lift....till my fantasy world comes crashing down with those moronic men I end up bumping into alll the time.... And I can assure you it's gonna happen right tonight when I'm going back home from my walk...

Let's see....will keep you posted on that grossness too...

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Are We Too Cool To Speak Our Hearts Anymore?

Life in the modern day is filled with choices. You want to have a simple cup of strong black coffee and there are thousands of variations you have to browse through. You want to go for a relaxed pair of denims and the person at the store will ask you thousands of questions, making sure that each inch of your lower body is analyzed and scrutinized and researched, before you can get yourself in those pants (your own brand new ones that you went there to buy I mean). 

No doubt that we, as a generation that has learned to feed off the social media are suckers for approval. It is true, we all are to some extent, and whether or not you nod your head in agreement or denial, some part of you is still looking for approval – approval when you say that you don’t really care about what others think and hence are cool, or approval that yes you do get affected by what others think about you and hence are cool.

It happens. To you. To me. To all of us.

But that one thing that has really been irking bothering me quite a lot, is the fact that, even as we are so concerned about what others really think of us, somewhere down the line, we are forgetting to express ourselves to those who really matter.

For instance, imagine you are on a date. There can be two outcomes. The first one is that you like the person and really want to meet him/her again. Maybe you feel an instant connect, whether just physical, emotional or, best possible case, both! The other outcome is that you know immediately that you and your date will just not work out, and not even on a one night stand level.

But here’s the catch. How do you actually tell the person what you feel?

If you happen to not like the person, you will go out of your way to find a polite and decent way to cut yourself out of there. You may play the whole charade and even see that person off, or maybe drop your date all the way home. But what after that? You start playing the ignoring game. You don’t want to sound rude or hurtful and still do not take it forward. But you just keep that person hanging out there, instead of saying in a real way that for whatever reasons, you do not feel it will work out and that it is better to stop dating.

Now what if you are in the other situation? What if you like your date? You wonder whether it is alright to hug, and if so, how much of it you should go ahead with without coming off as needy. You want to kiss, but how do you go about it? Do you ask for permission if the other person is not giving you any hints? Do you wait and wait till your date also hints at the same, which may or may not happen. Do you tell your date that you find them cute or sexy and want to kiss? And once you are back home, how much time do you wait before you text or call that person? Should you wait for him or her to make the first move and say what an amazing time you had and that you want to meet up again? Or is it alright to just pick up the phone and say what you feel, right from the heart, without bothering if you will be judged for it?

There’s already so much going on around us all, it’s worthwhile to invest in some love at the least. I don’t know why being in love or falling in love or liking someone has to be such a game. The sad part is that it is. For different people in different situations, loving someone, in whatever relationship it may be, has turned into something with different ways and connotations.

What if we stop judging love once and for all, and just come out with whatever is there in our hearts? What if we learn to respect and love back? You may not love someone who loves you, but you can at least give that person the respect that they deserve, for all they did was love you. Let’s bring back some love, in our hearts and in the lives of those who truly are wonderful out there……

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Friday, March 18, 2016

Did I Just Snip You Out? Sorries But That's Where Our Journey Ends
image source

Yes okay, so you know I have grown up, in years, if not always in mind, and yes, also in body (gosh I keep walking and trying to eat healthy and all that jazz, but sometimes it just doesn't seem enough), and the point of all this is that finally I am at a point in my life where I have learned to bid adieu to the concept of people pleasing.

I have been mostly the polite and nice one all my life. Takes a helllll lot of effort from someone like me who is short tempered, impatient, difficult to please, extremely choosy and all that, but yes, I have managed to still be nice, and I generally am. Till someone gets on my wrong side of course, which is when I can be rude and cold and just not bothered. I have still not managed the art of abusing, and just the other day was talking to this male friend and confessing that I find it hard to abuse, ever, and of course I sounded like a fool to him, the discussion turning hilarious for him and embarrassing for me. And yet again I digress...wait...let me get back to the point again.

The point is, I am done pleasing people, and I have been snipping them off from my life for quite some time now. I have been distancing myself from people in real life, as well as in the virtual world. So it is that I have about 150 friends on my social media profile, a number which sounds surprisingly low to my friends who have friends there upwards of 500 at least (I never understand how so many of my friends more than 1000s of friends there...some achievement!) but the 150 mark is still big for me. In fact, I constantly scan the list and think of moving away from some, and wait for the right time to do so.

You know I am an escapist. If you have been here earlier or read through my posts, you know I generally stay away from confrontations. And of course goodbyes too. Both are equally hard for me, and it goes with the territory of being an emotional fool, which unabashedly I am. But then, I am blessed to have a handful of amazing people in my life, who I know I will have around for life. They are the ones who love me with all my quirks and my silliness and my grey matter, both inside the brain and on top in those few strands, the ones who never judge me, who hold me in their hearts through my highs and my pitiful deep lows, who remain with me no matter what I may tell them through my tears or garbled words of anger or sadness.... They shall truly always remain.

As for the rest, I think I will continue to snip away people from my life. Even as I meet new ones, I find it hard to connect and hold on to those who really do not mean that much. It's a lot of burden to carry when you are just acquaintances, or trying to carry on being nice to someone even though you don't really mean it. There will be many such people I meet in life, but I guess that pair of scissors in my mind will always come in handy.

Life is so much easier and prettier when you surround yourself with happy and positive people and share each others' burdens, instead of trying to be someone who they want you to be, but you may not be. It's a short one and its the only one...this life that we this much we do owe ourselves, don't we? Being happy and being content.....and loving those who are special.....

I send you sooooo many lovely hugs, smiles and truck loads of happiness....

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja